Social Media: The Gift That Keeps on Giving
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Words without actions are not to be banked on. I have never been much of a talker [unless I’m very comfortable around someone] or a poster. I am as private as can be. I am more of a thinker and a doer, than a talker and a talker. This time around, I have to use words, and I’d like to convince myself that I’ll take actions in sync with those words. I am hopeful.
Here goes:
The social media is quite a confusing territory. How can something be so ‘fine’, yet ugly? How can something be so helpful, yet, very useless? It’s like a prison with a larger-than-life Statue of Liberty, right at its center. The truth is, the social media is a tool. It is like a raw material, and the user has it at his or her disposal, to make, craft, produce something. The question is: What do you choose to produce with it, this raw material? This is one of the reasons I like the idea of people using social media platforms for business purposes only. More like: ‘If it won’t make you money in a way, then, don’t post it’. Well, here I am anyway, posting. Fighting the ills brought by the social media, with the social media. This is the grey area. I am writing to bring to the fore, something I feel passionate about, which brings me to this: You might ask: ‘What about those that use it to share ideas that don’t pay?’ Well, that’s also good, but they are ideas, and ideas are personal to whoever it is that hatched them. Now, if your ideas don’t get as much likes [attention] as you want, it may feel like the people they are being shared with, are rejecting you, because your ideas are a reflection of you. You’re your ideas. The wholeness of what you think and do, are who you are. Social media for the sole purpose of business is just good. It is more detached than personal.
If you’re looking for equity and fairness, you won’t find them on social media. The social media is a breeding ground for mundane comparisons and unhealthy competitions. It is a leading cause of depression in today’s world.
Compare these two scenarios:
First: An ‘average’ guy, with an amazing mind, making an honest living, and also helping people in the little way he can, has a little over 500 friends on Facebook [You could replace that with 500 followers on Instagram]. He posts an idea or a well-crafted opinion, and gets about 30 likes, and one comment. Why? 'Okay, perhaps the post bored his audience, and most people dread reading these days'. Another day, he posts two pictures, one of himself, and one of him and his folks. This time around, he gets 35 likes and 10 comments [5 actually, if you exclude his replies to the other 5 comments].
Second: An ‘Instagram model’ [ridiculous profession I must say] posts two pictures in a row, one baring her boobs, and the other baring her arse at the beach. For these, she gets over 10,000 likes and 500 comments. Did I forget to mention? She has 5 million followers. She earned them by being damn good at her job of ‘Instagram Modelling’. What more? A couple of blogs carry it as news. May I borrow the headline from one? It reads: “Stunning Nigerian Instagram Model [_insert name_] Sizzles on IG”. Heck!
The disparity between these two scenarios are quite glaring. Meanwhile, somewhere in Lagos, Nigeria, a very talented actress is still struggling to reach 5 million followers. Somewhere in Las Vegas, an actress in her mid 30s, who seems to have landed her first role due to a lapse in the auditioning process, has 20 million followers, and just miles from her is a social media activist, and the owner of an NGO, with just about 500 followers. Somewhere in New York City, a certain Hollywood celebrity has over 140 million followers, and yet, another in the same industry has a little over 18 million. Then, there is the guy with the six packs, who ‘snap chats’ for a living, with 15.5 million followers. This is unnecessary pressure being placed on people. Sadly, sometimes, they're even self-imposed.
Now don’t get me wrong. Sometimes, social media followership comes with the impact someone has made, the ones still in motion, and the ones hopefully on the way to conception. But the issue here is that most times, it doesn’t work this way.
People are willing to do just about anything to trend. The fake and fleeting social media attention has become a major source of ‘power’ for many social media users. This fake power and impression, don't last [because fakery is what sustains it], and before you know it, the people are back right where they started or worse. It’s like someone taking a leap to cover 10 steps ahead, only to somersault backwards, throwing him or her 13 steps behind.
People ignore important things on social media, chasing after the wind. If discipline and self-control are not your strong suit, you should be far away from the social media. The farther away you are from social media platforms, the better for you. When you’re feeling down, look for someone around you to talk to. Person-to-person conversations are very unlikely to fail you. After such conversations, you should walk away feeling better. Texts can be very deceptive. Phone calls are better, but the good ole meeting and talking is the best. That way, it’ll be very difficult for one to hide one’s feeling. Texts can do that very well. A ‘How’re you?’ over text, will most likely be met with a positive answer. Well, you can’t feed one crap like that with tears in your eyes, can you? This is why one-on-one conversations are very important. Although some people are very good at it, most people can’t hide their feelings for long during one-on-one conversations.
Also, know that seeing a therapist is not abnormal. ‘Abnormal’ is when you hurt, or try to hurt yourself and/or others, because of the pain you’re going through, or whatever it is your mind tricks you to believe is wrong with you. Sometimes, even without any real problem, one’s mind tries to create one, let alone when there’s a real one. I agree with Martin Charnin, it is indeed a hard knock life, most times. No matter what you might be going through, just know that you’re not alone. At every point in time, someone is passing through a phase. Some are able to control themselves, but only for a while. Eventually, there's always something to trigger one, sending forth an outburst or a breakdown. People are wired differently, and they react accordingly. Everyone goes through tough times. You’re not alone. Hold on to your loved ones. Try and speak more to the right people about your problems. Postpone taking drastic measures each time the thoughts come. Postpone them until you forget them. *Postpone them forever*. Things can, and will get better. I once heard that believing is half the healing. I heard it from the movie, “A Monster Calls”. It makes much sense.
Never bank on what the social media presents. Most of them are a façade. On there, people are quick to shine light on the pretty and not-so-pretty parts of other people’s lives, on their achievements and underachievements. Even worse, these are usually blown out of proportion. There, you can be whatever you want to be [Most people become judges without a law degree]. The ‘lucky’ ones are left feeling indomitable, while the ‘unlucky’ ones are left feeling worthless. Some very insensitive comments and feedback on there can piss someone off, or worse still, send someone into depression. For the already depressed ones, exposure to such toxicity is likely to push them deeper into the dark, bottomless pit, called depression. Everyday, people continue to shed in pounds whatever it is that makes them human. This reminds me of a teenager who went on Instagram and conducted a poll on whether to live or not to live. The result told her to end it, and she did. Do not go on social media with your problems. You’ll be left feeling worse than you were. Do not compare your life with anyone’s. Life on social media is quite different from reality. It is like an illusion to reality. Your go-to during difficult times should be those around you, your loved ones, family or not. If they’re far away, call them and talk. Professionals [Therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists] can also be of help.
Those scenarios I gave about varying levels of social media attention are to make it clear that social media attention, most times, has nothing to do with the individual in truth, but with outsiders' perceptions or ideas of [and about] that individual. These perceptions and ideas are usually false. If only you knew what happens behind closed doors. No one has it all. Look around and within you. There’s always something to be thankful for.
Although, it is very effective, paying people visits may not always be easy, so phone calls are the next best option.
Now, there’s an assignment for you. Go through your contact list, and carefully observe. Who are those you call your family and friends, that you haven’t seen or called for up to 6 months? [Stop keeping count of who calls who first and who called last. Ego and love do not eat at the same table]. Begin to call them one after the other. It may take you days to be through, for now, but the result will be worth the effort. You might just save a life with one call. Ask them how they are, how they’ve been, with all sincerity. Tell them to cut the crap and be truthful. Tell them how you’ve been. If you love them, say it. If you miss them, let them know. Tell them you care. This should become a routine for you [perhaps monthly or bi-monthly]. Walk your talk to reality. Be good.
Photo credit: 123RF
The social media is quite a confusing territory. How can something be so ‘fine’, yet ugly? How can something be so helpful, yet, very useless? It’s like a prison with a larger-than-life Statue of Liberty, right at its center. The truth is, the social media is a tool. It is like a raw material, and the user has it at his or her disposal, to make, craft, produce something. The question is: What do you choose to produce with it, this raw material? This is one of the reasons I like the idea of people using social media platforms for business purposes only. More like: ‘If it won’t make you money in a way, then, don’t post it’. Well, here I am anyway, posting. Fighting the ills brought by the social media, with the social media. This is the grey area. I am writing to bring to the fore, something I feel passionate about, which brings me to this: You might ask: ‘What about those that use it to share ideas that don’t pay?’ Well, that’s also good, but they are ideas, and ideas are personal to whoever it is that hatched them. Now, if your ideas don’t get as much likes [attention] as you want, it may feel like the people they are being shared with, are rejecting you, because your ideas are a reflection of you. You’re your ideas. The wholeness of what you think and do, are who you are. Social media for the sole purpose of business is just good. It is more detached than personal.
If you’re looking for equity and fairness, you won’t find them on social media. The social media is a breeding ground for mundane comparisons and unhealthy competitions. It is a leading cause of depression in today’s world.
Compare these two scenarios:
First: An ‘average’ guy, with an amazing mind, making an honest living, and also helping people in the little way he can, has a little over 500 friends on Facebook [You could replace that with 500 followers on Instagram]. He posts an idea or a well-crafted opinion, and gets about 30 likes, and one comment. Why? 'Okay, perhaps the post bored his audience, and most people dread reading these days'. Another day, he posts two pictures, one of himself, and one of him and his folks. This time around, he gets 35 likes and 10 comments [5 actually, if you exclude his replies to the other 5 comments].
Second: An ‘Instagram model’ [ridiculous profession I must say] posts two pictures in a row, one baring her boobs, and the other baring her arse at the beach. For these, she gets over 10,000 likes and 500 comments. Did I forget to mention? She has 5 million followers. She earned them by being damn good at her job of ‘Instagram Modelling’. What more? A couple of blogs carry it as news. May I borrow the headline from one? It reads: “Stunning Nigerian Instagram Model [_insert name_] Sizzles on IG”. Heck!
The disparity between these two scenarios are quite glaring. Meanwhile, somewhere in Lagos, Nigeria, a very talented actress is still struggling to reach 5 million followers. Somewhere in Las Vegas, an actress in her mid 30s, who seems to have landed her first role due to a lapse in the auditioning process, has 20 million followers, and just miles from her is a social media activist, and the owner of an NGO, with just about 500 followers. Somewhere in New York City, a certain Hollywood celebrity has over 140 million followers, and yet, another in the same industry has a little over 18 million. Then, there is the guy with the six packs, who ‘snap chats’ for a living, with 15.5 million followers. This is unnecessary pressure being placed on people. Sadly, sometimes, they're even self-imposed.
Now don’t get me wrong. Sometimes, social media followership comes with the impact someone has made, the ones still in motion, and the ones hopefully on the way to conception. But the issue here is that most times, it doesn’t work this way.
People are willing to do just about anything to trend. The fake and fleeting social media attention has become a major source of ‘power’ for many social media users. This fake power and impression, don't last [because fakery is what sustains it], and before you know it, the people are back right where they started or worse. It’s like someone taking a leap to cover 10 steps ahead, only to somersault backwards, throwing him or her 13 steps behind.
People ignore important things on social media, chasing after the wind. If discipline and self-control are not your strong suit, you should be far away from the social media. The farther away you are from social media platforms, the better for you. When you’re feeling down, look for someone around you to talk to. Person-to-person conversations are very unlikely to fail you. After such conversations, you should walk away feeling better. Texts can be very deceptive. Phone calls are better, but the good ole meeting and talking is the best. That way, it’ll be very difficult for one to hide one’s feeling. Texts can do that very well. A ‘How’re you?’ over text, will most likely be met with a positive answer. Well, you can’t feed one crap like that with tears in your eyes, can you? This is why one-on-one conversations are very important. Although some people are very good at it, most people can’t hide their feelings for long during one-on-one conversations.
Also, know that seeing a therapist is not abnormal. ‘Abnormal’ is when you hurt, or try to hurt yourself and/or others, because of the pain you’re going through, or whatever it is your mind tricks you to believe is wrong with you. Sometimes, even without any real problem, one’s mind tries to create one, let alone when there’s a real one. I agree with Martin Charnin, it is indeed a hard knock life, most times. No matter what you might be going through, just know that you’re not alone. At every point in time, someone is passing through a phase. Some are able to control themselves, but only for a while. Eventually, there's always something to trigger one, sending forth an outburst or a breakdown. People are wired differently, and they react accordingly. Everyone goes through tough times. You’re not alone. Hold on to your loved ones. Try and speak more to the right people about your problems. Postpone taking drastic measures each time the thoughts come. Postpone them until you forget them. *Postpone them forever*. Things can, and will get better. I once heard that believing is half the healing. I heard it from the movie, “A Monster Calls”. It makes much sense.
Never bank on what the social media presents. Most of them are a façade. On there, people are quick to shine light on the pretty and not-so-pretty parts of other people’s lives, on their achievements and underachievements. Even worse, these are usually blown out of proportion. There, you can be whatever you want to be [Most people become judges without a law degree]. The ‘lucky’ ones are left feeling indomitable, while the ‘unlucky’ ones are left feeling worthless. Some very insensitive comments and feedback on there can piss someone off, or worse still, send someone into depression. For the already depressed ones, exposure to such toxicity is likely to push them deeper into the dark, bottomless pit, called depression. Everyday, people continue to shed in pounds whatever it is that makes them human. This reminds me of a teenager who went on Instagram and conducted a poll on whether to live or not to live. The result told her to end it, and she did. Do not go on social media with your problems. You’ll be left feeling worse than you were. Do not compare your life with anyone’s. Life on social media is quite different from reality. It is like an illusion to reality. Your go-to during difficult times should be those around you, your loved ones, family or not. If they’re far away, call them and talk. Professionals [Therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists] can also be of help.
Those scenarios I gave about varying levels of social media attention are to make it clear that social media attention, most times, has nothing to do with the individual in truth, but with outsiders' perceptions or ideas of [and about] that individual. These perceptions and ideas are usually false. If only you knew what happens behind closed doors. No one has it all. Look around and within you. There’s always something to be thankful for.
Although, it is very effective, paying people visits may not always be easy, so phone calls are the next best option.
Now, there’s an assignment for you. Go through your contact list, and carefully observe. Who are those you call your family and friends, that you haven’t seen or called for up to 6 months? [Stop keeping count of who calls who first and who called last. Ego and love do not eat at the same table]. Begin to call them one after the other. It may take you days to be through, for now, but the result will be worth the effort. You might just save a life with one call. Ask them how they are, how they’ve been, with all sincerity. Tell them to cut the crap and be truthful. Tell them how you’ve been. If you love them, say it. If you miss them, let them know. Tell them you care. This should become a routine for you [perhaps monthly or bi-monthly]. Walk your talk to reality. Be good.
Photo credit: 123RF
Wow...that was a lot, lol. Good to know some of us are still guided. Social media has drifted away from the purpose for which it was created. Connectability, development, education have been somewhat replaced with virtual intimidation.
ReplyDeleteNot that those qualities are gone but these days they are rarely sought out. We prefer to look at pictures of fellow youths balling in the Abu Dhabi and feeling sorry for our lives than find a page to actually learn from.
I loved the analogy with the man and the Instagram model, I am a creative(designer) so I can relate. Awesome artwork gets at most 8k likes while a twerking video gets close to a million views. I feel for the upcoming generation really, social media has set a certain standard which people surprisingly strive to get to (in the negative sense). Sad
Checking up on friends is very underrated, I am guilty too. I always say I would but it slips. Thanks for this post, it stuck!
We're all guilty here. It seems social media has made us more strangers than friends. We take for granted almost everything that makes life truly spicy and pay more attention to mundane things. No wonder young people are getting more depressed.
DeleteJust to mention, I have one of the best experiences when I do not have a smart phone around. I kind of give more attention to things around me and it's during these moments that I found so much beauty around me.
At the end, it takes more than talk to change the status quo. Kudos to all those who are walking the extra mile.
And many cheers to all those who have decided to use social media to benefit, strengthen and change the world around them.
Chiemela, thank you for unclogging people's minds with your aptness. It is indeed sad that most people no longer notice what's around them, because they have their eyes glued to the screen of their mobile devices. You've given us a lot to chew on. Thanks!
DeleteMovic! Come get a hug. You're spot on. I expected nothing less from you. Your reply should be an article on its own. Thanks for dropping by. Do you know any graphics designer around? I need one. 😉
ReplyDeleteThis is so real it's sad. Social media can make you feel worthless and talentless. It's just sad.
ReplyDeleteYour takes on these issues are so profound and empathetic. Thank you for this.
I should say: 'Thank you', for reading, and letting us know you did, by letting us in on your thoughts.
DeleteWe're all receivers of this gift [we sometimes don't want], in one way or another. May we all master the art of returning gifts that are of no good to us.
Alot of good relationships have been destroyed because the victims chose to infere and conclude on the actions of their spause on social media.....Social media claims to unite people but ends up leaving alot of individuals more "alone" and lonely than they were.....parents can't enjoy the good counsel,time and presence of their children,simply because they[the children] choose to give their attention to their phone and chat with friends online rather than noticing the presence of the people around them.As a matter of fact,i once visited a friend who chose to focus on his phone while we were in the middle of a gist...i had to leave,feeling "unwanted".....thank you so much for this "bundle of wisdom"....God bless you
ReplyDelete